One of the reasons I have always liked facebook is that it connects super busy people, long lost friends and gives you at the very least an avenue (even though it is virtual) to talk to friends, share your thoughts and be in sync with life, even while you are running your own marathon.
My respect for the forum increased furthermore, when I heard an awe-inspiring talk from Ms. Sheryl Sandberg the COO of facebook, on why there are only a few women leaders in the world! Interestingly, the very same morning of hearing this talk, I was contemplating the reasons for myriad changes that have occurred in my own life after the birth of my daughter and was wondering on why my risk taking ability has vanished.
I got my answers in that 10 minute session.
Women I believe are very special species. Think about it, next to God only women can genuinely create and experience the creation of life. And I completely agree to the fact that, even after the most amazing virtues and capabilities, women definitely underestimate themselves. I do this myself, every day, every hour, thinking that maybe my husband is far more efficient in making better choices than I am! And this is despite the fact that he is the one, who trusts me and my decisions, and seeks advice from me more than I do it from myself!! Then why I wonder, do we feel less confident? Why do we hesitate in making decisions? Why do we not negotiate well for our capabilities and settle for less? I do not have the answer, but I do know that the world out there belongs to the mighty and not the meek, and we as women should somewhere realize that we are bloody well mightier than what we think!
What interested me more was the realization of our subconscious second citizen stature that maybe is reinforced and ingrained in us through the ages. The inequality of genders does exist, no matter how much we deny it. But with education the least we can do is to consciously reduce the gap by first acknowledging our own capabilities and appreciating capabilities of the other women (very hard, the vanity in me says, but definitely possible!) Only if we stand and applaud, and appreciate ourselves and women like ourselves, everyday, we might be able to steal a little appreciation from the community in which we exist.
The fact that we prefer to lean backwards, we give up early on work, because of family, peer pressure, because of our own subconscious thought that life will expect more once we are married, family will expect more, children will expect more, and hence we need to accommodate for all that by giving up on what we love doing, needs to change. While the society expects us a bit of all these things, most of these, I believe are self inflicted fears! When I look back, I was in two minds with respect to my career, when I conceived. Should I be a working mother or a home maker? The question did not even exist for my husband! Of course, I need to continue work, because that what defines me! I wonder then why did this question bother me then? Why was this not as clear in my mind, as was in his! Self-inflicted expectation fear, I say! And this is when I have been brought up in a fairly independent and progressive environment!
Now that I am mother of a beautiful daughter, I think I have a far bigger responsibility – the responsibility of creating an undoubtful mind, the responsibility of reinforcing confidence in my child and the fact that she has the power within, as any other person, to make the right decisions in life. That she will always have choices, but those choices won’t be subconsciously driven by fears of unfulfilled expectations, but driven by her own happiness. For me, I might or might not make it big at work, but I do know now, that I will do exactly what I will expect and teach my daughter to do – stand up for yourself and don’t ever give up!
Hear the most inspring and relevant talk on this topic on www.ted.com
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Back after a hiatus … is it?
My blog might look a bit inactive, but that’s the last thing that describes my super roller-coaster life, that has a new little adventurous member on board!! My little doll Diva is over 5 months now… and I wonder how fast the time is zipping ahead! But with all the hectic helter skelter schedule, I am simply enjoying the best moments of my life... only wish God had also created an automatic video recorder in our memories, to replay these moments, word by word, breath by breath!
Let me pause, take deep breaths, and then I will give you a short run down of my new mommy life! For the unassuming, it’s not about poops, cries and sleepless nights… that’s the least descriptive of all, it is about learning and adjusting to a new life! My mom used to tell me that a woman has three reincarnations in a single life – the actual birth, marriage and when she becomes a mother… today I can totally relate to this statement...
I have discovered that being a mom isn’t as easy, and the realization has made me appreciate my own parents। But what awes me more is the wonderment of nature, as I am seeing my baby grow! God created us all alike – selfish, demanding, attention seeking, honest, and look how we mess it all up when we grow!
When I look at the changing expressions on Diva’s face, they might be confusing for me to comprehend, but their essence is so pure! She has basic needs, food, entertainment and poop। Her feelings are not complicated like ours but honest – she is angry, playful sad or happy. Her needs are so simple, her amazement, her smile is so sincere! Think about it – when was the last time you smiled sincerely? Or for that matter were truly amazed or amused by little everyday things?
Perhaps that’s the reason why babies are so likeable, simply because they are so unadulterated। When I look at Diva, I try to understand what she wants, and behold, she demands everything as her birthright – my attention, her food, her entertainment, toys, everything! She is the little boss of the house! But with this little boss, I can feel honesty creeping in my life again. The innocence, making faces, stupid little sounds (that might sound awful otherwise), funny little activities, sincerity of smile, everything that adulthood snatches from us, comes back!
I wish I could laugh like her on the street, pee wherever, whenever I am comfortable on who ever I like (I really wish this), spit and fart without feeling embarrassed (second on the list after peeing), I wish I could scream at the top of my voice welcoming happiness, embracing and amused by my own vocal chords, I wish I could be forthright again, telling people truth on their face, the way I feel, without mincing words… and u know what... I will see this happen once again with her… my childhood is coming back to me …. Thanks to Diva!
Let me pause, take deep breaths, and then I will give you a short run down of my new mommy life! For the unassuming, it’s not about poops, cries and sleepless nights… that’s the least descriptive of all, it is about learning and adjusting to a new life! My mom used to tell me that a woman has three reincarnations in a single life – the actual birth, marriage and when she becomes a mother… today I can totally relate to this statement...
I have discovered that being a mom isn’t as easy, and the realization has made me appreciate my own parents। But what awes me more is the wonderment of nature, as I am seeing my baby grow! God created us all alike – selfish, demanding, attention seeking, honest, and look how we mess it all up when we grow!
When I look at the changing expressions on Diva’s face, they might be confusing for me to comprehend, but their essence is so pure! She has basic needs, food, entertainment and poop। Her feelings are not complicated like ours but honest – she is angry, playful sad or happy. Her needs are so simple, her amazement, her smile is so sincere! Think about it – when was the last time you smiled sincerely? Or for that matter were truly amazed or amused by little everyday things?
Perhaps that’s the reason why babies are so likeable, simply because they are so unadulterated। When I look at Diva, I try to understand what she wants, and behold, she demands everything as her birthright – my attention, her food, her entertainment, toys, everything! She is the little boss of the house! But with this little boss, I can feel honesty creeping in my life again. The innocence, making faces, stupid little sounds (that might sound awful otherwise), funny little activities, sincerity of smile, everything that adulthood snatches from us, comes back!
I wish I could laugh like her on the street, pee wherever, whenever I am comfortable on who ever I like (I really wish this), spit and fart without feeling embarrassed (second on the list after peeing), I wish I could scream at the top of my voice welcoming happiness, embracing and amused by my own vocal chords, I wish I could be forthright again, telling people truth on their face, the way I feel, without mincing words… and u know what... I will see this happen once again with her… my childhood is coming back to me …. Thanks to Diva!
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Lazy random thoughts...
With my growing belly and shrinking brain, I am attempting yet again to pen down what my restless mind is going through…
Honestly, it is nothing!! I feel that like my baby I am just floating around uselessly in a stream of unrelated thoughts and enjoying the emptiness that comes with it.
Have you ever wondered how beautiful emptiness can be? It’s like just being there…. Just doing what is natural, without questioning, without thinking, without analyzing… just a plain surrender to everything… leaving yourself to someone who you know will work it out for you… no tensions, no calculations, no botherations… just be like a baby and focus on eating, sleeping and pooping…. !! Nature has a beautiful way of simplifying things until we humans use our programmed knowledge to mess it all up!!
As I am writing this, my trained judgmental mind hates the thought… how can you not question? Not analyze? Not have an objective in life? Just be there like a tree? We are the most intelligent species in this universe!! How can we simply float... be empty, depend on others when we can be self sustained?
Hmm… so that’s the useless battle I fight every day! I feel like sleeping… but have to go to work… I feel like killing time…but have to run against it to complete a list of useless, but so called must do things that creep in from nowhere … I try to let chaos prevail… till my trained organized mind tells me to clear all the mess up, lest anyone might start making judgments about me...including myself!! I try to float … be dreamy … lie like an aimless wooden log in a stream of water… lazy, peaceful, being driven by something more powerful… and then I realize I have an unaccomplished task list … small and big targets I haven’t yet achieved….and there I am on the run again.. !
I wish sometimes life was not a race against time! I wish there was a capability in the human mind to simply switch off… not think so much… not be so judgmental… not be so mission oriented...programmed…and yes I so wish that guilt focused corner in brain could be non existent… that is the part I hate most… the self-conscious part that ranks you everyday…ensures that you listen to your conscious mind… and incase you dared to indulge... it makes you feel so miserable that you feel guilty of listening to your heart…
Sometimes I envy my baby for living in such an uncomplicated warm world… being cherished by everyone without being known, without having met… unconditional non judgmental love… doing what nature wants him to do.. Without analyzing, without questioning, without demanding…. simply enjoying every moment... oblivious of what’s happening around… hearing sounds of mom’s heartbeat… daddy’s whispers… and of the outside maddening world… wondering what the fuss is all about!!
I wish I could also be in that warm world again.... where there are no rules… no parameters, no one to tell you what you should be doing... no guilt… no pressures to achieve… no financial targets... no benchmarks…. Simply unconditional love… where people fall in love with you without seeing you… without knowing you…. without judging you…they simply await to welcome you with open arms and shower you with lots of love… I wish to be like my baby again…
Honestly, it is nothing!! I feel that like my baby I am just floating around uselessly in a stream of unrelated thoughts and enjoying the emptiness that comes with it.
Have you ever wondered how beautiful emptiness can be? It’s like just being there…. Just doing what is natural, without questioning, without thinking, without analyzing… just a plain surrender to everything… leaving yourself to someone who you know will work it out for you… no tensions, no calculations, no botherations… just be like a baby and focus on eating, sleeping and pooping…. !! Nature has a beautiful way of simplifying things until we humans use our programmed knowledge to mess it all up!!
As I am writing this, my trained judgmental mind hates the thought… how can you not question? Not analyze? Not have an objective in life? Just be there like a tree? We are the most intelligent species in this universe!! How can we simply float... be empty, depend on others when we can be self sustained?
Hmm… so that’s the useless battle I fight every day! I feel like sleeping… but have to go to work… I feel like killing time…but have to run against it to complete a list of useless, but so called must do things that creep in from nowhere … I try to let chaos prevail… till my trained organized mind tells me to clear all the mess up, lest anyone might start making judgments about me...including myself!! I try to float … be dreamy … lie like an aimless wooden log in a stream of water… lazy, peaceful, being driven by something more powerful… and then I realize I have an unaccomplished task list … small and big targets I haven’t yet achieved….and there I am on the run again.. !
I wish sometimes life was not a race against time! I wish there was a capability in the human mind to simply switch off… not think so much… not be so judgmental… not be so mission oriented...programmed…and yes I so wish that guilt focused corner in brain could be non existent… that is the part I hate most… the self-conscious part that ranks you everyday…ensures that you listen to your conscious mind… and incase you dared to indulge... it makes you feel so miserable that you feel guilty of listening to your heart…
Sometimes I envy my baby for living in such an uncomplicated warm world… being cherished by everyone without being known, without having met… unconditional non judgmental love… doing what nature wants him to do.. Without analyzing, without questioning, without demanding…. simply enjoying every moment... oblivious of what’s happening around… hearing sounds of mom’s heartbeat… daddy’s whispers… and of the outside maddening world… wondering what the fuss is all about!!
I wish I could also be in that warm world again.... where there are no rules… no parameters, no one to tell you what you should be doing... no guilt… no pressures to achieve… no financial targets... no benchmarks…. Simply unconditional love… where people fall in love with you without seeing you… without knowing you…. without judging you…they simply await to welcome you with open arms and shower you with lots of love… I wish to be like my baby again…
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
My lovely little secret...
Now that I have most of my friends complaining about my inactive blog, I have to admit… I have been busy with something that has taken me by complete awe…! Words can’t do justice to feelings and I have come to believe this all the more now…
There is a feeling of anxiety, elation, fulfillment, happiness, commotion, confusion, dreaminess… well… like I said words seem small, inappropriate perhaps… to describe how one feels when God creates your own replica right inside you… it’s simply miraculous॥!
So my friends, that’s what has kept me busy all this while and honestly, I am enjoying every bit of it! I am busy having dreamy days, sleepless nights, awful mornings and I love all the extra pampering and attention coming my way! I am guiltlessly gorging food, growing fatter by the day (wonder how chubbier I can get!), sleeping whenever I can (15 hrs can u imagine!!), enjoying being nudged (by the lil one) and of course reading all I can on how my lil one is growing bit by bit, hair by hair, every week॥!
I am rediscovering myself, noticing changes in my body, screening names for my baby, getting pampered by the new daddy cool (who speaks more to my tummy than to me!!) visiting baby shops, shopping for my plus sized clothes, figuring out my cravings and mood swings (not many॥ thank God!), singing and reading panchtantra stories to my big blossomed belly :)
It’s a different world and a different feeling...honestly… who cares for the blog when there’s so much happening that cannot be described, only simply felt :) I am in a new world and I guess this is just the beginning… :)
There is a feeling of anxiety, elation, fulfillment, happiness, commotion, confusion, dreaminess… well… like I said words seem small, inappropriate perhaps… to describe how one feels when God creates your own replica right inside you… it’s simply miraculous॥!
So my friends, that’s what has kept me busy all this while and honestly, I am enjoying every bit of it! I am busy having dreamy days, sleepless nights, awful mornings and I love all the extra pampering and attention coming my way! I am guiltlessly gorging food, growing fatter by the day (wonder how chubbier I can get!), sleeping whenever I can (15 hrs can u imagine!!), enjoying being nudged (by the lil one) and of course reading all I can on how my lil one is growing bit by bit, hair by hair, every week॥!
I am rediscovering myself, noticing changes in my body, screening names for my baby, getting pampered by the new daddy cool (who speaks more to my tummy than to me!!) visiting baby shops, shopping for my plus sized clothes, figuring out my cravings and mood swings (not many॥ thank God!), singing and reading panchtantra stories to my big blossomed belly :)
It’s a different world and a different feeling...honestly… who cares for the blog when there’s so much happening that cannot be described, only simply felt :) I am in a new world and I guess this is just the beginning… :)
Thursday, May 14, 2009
This moment is just perfect!
Last few days have been quite interesting and fun with family around. And the fact I have been long away from this column is encouraging my impatient mind to throw up everything it gathered all at once…
Mind is a funny little thing... I wonder if you know that we have a capability to think of 27 million thoughts in a nano second! Well I am experiencing that right now...! Interestingly, our mind also has the excruciating capability to amplify thoughts... so while u may feel its 27 million thoughts, and the capability of the little organ that controls us all cannot be questioned for sure; it might be only 27 thoughts thought a million times over :)
Well this was just the starter… what I have been thinking about is something more important and knowingly ignored… a fact that a cousin brought to my notice at a party… I wonder why words of wisdom hit you when you least expect them to!! So, while I was looking forward to get drunk and wasted in the evening… boom came the sound (literally... the guy has a boom boom voice!! His laughter can create serious problems with the neighbors… especially the ones not invited for the party!!) ... so started a wonderful gyan session on life..
My cousin had recently visited Vipasana (don’t ask me where that is!!) but the bottom-line is... he stayed there for weeks all by himself without uttering a word (imagine that for a guy with a boom boom voice!!)… What this did to him was quite unique... It brought him closer to himself, closer to life, closer to nature..! The silence uncluttered his mind and made him realize what's important in life and how being closer to nature one can derive the meaning of life and understand it from a different perspective…
Nature is where we all come from and it is where we belong… the moment we do things contradictory to nature is when complexity begins…unfortunately, we all know this, but seldom pay attention to simple things life tells us everyday, every moment…Nature is not just the environment, it is the entire universe… the way things are.. the way things have been and the way things should be! If you look carefully, nature represents our emotions… compassion, empathy, honesty, peace, calmness, thunderous anger at times and showers of love… what it lacks is selfishness and greed…. Emotions we acquire from materialistic world and our insecurities…
Interestingly, another thing that he pointed out is that like nature, which today stands where and how it should have been, we as a part of it are where we should have been… because "this moment is perfect!" By thinking this moment is perfect, we avoid the anxiety of tomorrow, and probably can enjoy tomorrow like a surprise! This really got me thinking… there are times, when we get frustrated… and honestly most of the times we are dissatisfied – with ourselves, our spouses, our capabilities, our materialistic wealth, social stauts… there are so many things to be dissatisfied with… its an endless list…but how often we stand and truly enjoy what we have… ? By thinking that "this moment is perfect" we might just spend that one moment to thank god for what we have!
We do not know why we are here… but I do know one thing… that I am doing what I should be doing and somewhere its all destined… we are here to play our role… and like Krishna said… if we do our Karma and play our role with honesty… there will peace on our face and smile on our lips… because "this moment is just perfect!"
Mind is a funny little thing... I wonder if you know that we have a capability to think of 27 million thoughts in a nano second! Well I am experiencing that right now...! Interestingly, our mind also has the excruciating capability to amplify thoughts... so while u may feel its 27 million thoughts, and the capability of the little organ that controls us all cannot be questioned for sure; it might be only 27 thoughts thought a million times over :)
Well this was just the starter… what I have been thinking about is something more important and knowingly ignored… a fact that a cousin brought to my notice at a party… I wonder why words of wisdom hit you when you least expect them to!! So, while I was looking forward to get drunk and wasted in the evening… boom came the sound (literally... the guy has a boom boom voice!! His laughter can create serious problems with the neighbors… especially the ones not invited for the party!!) ... so started a wonderful gyan session on life..
My cousin had recently visited Vipasana (don’t ask me where that is!!) but the bottom-line is... he stayed there for weeks all by himself without uttering a word (imagine that for a guy with a boom boom voice!!)… What this did to him was quite unique... It brought him closer to himself, closer to life, closer to nature..! The silence uncluttered his mind and made him realize what's important in life and how being closer to nature one can derive the meaning of life and understand it from a different perspective…
Nature is where we all come from and it is where we belong… the moment we do things contradictory to nature is when complexity begins…unfortunately, we all know this, but seldom pay attention to simple things life tells us everyday, every moment…Nature is not just the environment, it is the entire universe… the way things are.. the way things have been and the way things should be! If you look carefully, nature represents our emotions… compassion, empathy, honesty, peace, calmness, thunderous anger at times and showers of love… what it lacks is selfishness and greed…. Emotions we acquire from materialistic world and our insecurities…
Interestingly, another thing that he pointed out is that like nature, which today stands where and how it should have been, we as a part of it are where we should have been… because "this moment is perfect!" By thinking this moment is perfect, we avoid the anxiety of tomorrow, and probably can enjoy tomorrow like a surprise! This really got me thinking… there are times, when we get frustrated… and honestly most of the times we are dissatisfied – with ourselves, our spouses, our capabilities, our materialistic wealth, social stauts… there are so many things to be dissatisfied with… its an endless list…but how often we stand and truly enjoy what we have… ? By thinking that "this moment is perfect" we might just spend that one moment to thank god for what we have!
We do not know why we are here… but I do know one thing… that I am doing what I should be doing and somewhere its all destined… we are here to play our role… and like Krishna said… if we do our Karma and play our role with honesty… there will peace on our face and smile on our lips… because "this moment is just perfect!"
Sunday, April 12, 2009
For my grown up little brother….
22 years is a long time… or probably not quite! I still remember the first moment when I held you in my hand... you were quite heavy then also :) for an eight year old! You had a beautiful round face…(like drawn with a compass) so peaceful & calm… pink rosy cheeks... closed eyes and fists … probably you are the most beautiful newborn I have ever seen!
I still remember your first word… aao….your first turn …when we were all playing carom…. your first song... hero hiralal... or heeeeeooo hiyaaaaal like you sang… and your happy screams of 'oye oye..' looking at both of us coming home from school!!!
You grew into a little monster… locking yourself in bathrooms. .. blasting soda bottles in the tub and clapping aloud at the 'boom' sound….opening up all the pens you could lay your hands on (and somehow.. you did manage to break each and every one that ever existed in the house!!) … you were a little whiz kid…innovative, inquisitive and weird in your own little way... but loveable indeed… (Papa ki kutti baby :) )
And today you turn 22…. it amazes me how soon you have grown into a young man… about to finish college and ready to embark on your professional journey … what hasn’t changed (and should never change) is your smile!!
So on this day … here's wishing you many more amazing years…keep the weirdness alive… it’s a sign of genius :)
Happy Birthday and God bless!!
I still remember your first word… aao….your first turn …when we were all playing carom…. your first song... hero hiralal... or heeeeeooo hiyaaaaal like you sang… and your happy screams of 'oye oye..' looking at both of us coming home from school!!!
You grew into a little monster… locking yourself in bathrooms. .. blasting soda bottles in the tub and clapping aloud at the 'boom' sound….opening up all the pens you could lay your hands on (and somehow.. you did manage to break each and every one that ever existed in the house!!) … you were a little whiz kid…innovative, inquisitive and weird in your own little way... but loveable indeed… (Papa ki kutti baby :) )
And today you turn 22…. it amazes me how soon you have grown into a young man… about to finish college and ready to embark on your professional journey … what hasn’t changed (and should never change) is your smile!!
So on this day … here's wishing you many more amazing years…keep the weirdness alive… it’s a sign of genius :)
Happy Birthday and God bless!!
How much is too much, really?
This question comes to my mind a little too often these days. That’s what probably Dubai's gloating consumerism does to you – either you end up becoming a complete shop-o-maniac or you end up despising shopping! For me the latter holds well, considering I have never been a shopaholic in the first place…
So, while I burn my pockets each day to shop for my new house, and regret all the over the budget purchases I make, thanks to my comparative inexperience and impatience, this question haunts me everyday... can I ever say – No, I have enough!! No, I don’t need this thing now... or ever… (for that matter) and can very well survive without these overtly emphasized, profoundly desired and minutely brain drilled unnecessary luxuries of life…
My mind, partially hypnotized by the inviting malls and decorated show windows and partly confused by the Dubai societal pressure (outings, booze, parties, glitterati and the facebook mania where people tend to notice what you wore when!!!) meekly surrenders to the temptation, thinking…lets just buy it one last time.
The last time never comes!!
A new dimension was further added to my confused state of mind by the recent article in The Independent, and the documentary by the BBC (Slumdogs and millionaires), that showcased the plight of the omnipresent yet barely noticeable labor class in Dubai… who sleep in filth and are treated worse, providing a contrarian perspective to the glittering city that I have seen until now! Slave city, as they call it, the article did tingle my nerves thinking about the 'not so privileged' for whom Dubai is not a city of dreams, but a trap of hell…the architectural delights they create stand up only to laugh at their derisory existence..
No, I am not being a socialist. I believe that every person has a right to spend as they like…But, the documentary grabbed my attention to something else... the shallowness, greed, hunger, hypocrisy and more importantly the restlessness, incompleteness and fakeness that surrounds it all…! I am yet to see a contented soul, who is not bothered by this spending madness, who isn’t trapped by the fashion mania, or concerned with the shallow competitiveness of status and social stature. I guess, even if such a simplistic person exists, he/she would have not caught our eyes blinded by the sparkles all around.
Suddenly, I felt guilty and scared at the same time… somewhere, I am or will eventually become a part of this vicious whirlpool and get equally submerged in this brand smitten plastic city…focused on competing to splurge and flash unnecessary things! I feel guilty of being extravagant... guilty of exercising my brains and body lesser by the day… guilty of focusing on the materials and not the means… scared of losing myself… its like a live Matrix going on here… the mania rules your head, and you don’t know when you simply get smitten by it!
I need to search the Neo within…
And to do so, I will start by simply opting out of the materialistic rat race..
For every 100 bucks I spend, I will donate 5
For every thing I waste, I will create something new
I won't buy what I don't need,
I will not judge people on the outside, but on the inside…
I will put less make up and smile more often
I will spend more time with nature, kids and the aged…
And then probably, my mind will be confident to say... thank you , i have enough already !
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
ओले, बारिश और पकौड़े
बिन मौसम की बारिश
याद दिला गई कुछ लम्हे…
मिटटी की भीनी खुशबू
चाय और गरम पकोड़ै
कुछ पुराने गाने
ताश और नमकीन बातें
बिछड़े हुए कुछ दोस्त
Gossip वाली रातें …
टप टप करती बूंदे
बदल गई ओलों में …
जैसे बेपरवाह ज़िन्दगी
बदलती है लम्हों में…
अब मौसम है, बारिश है, चाय और गरम पकौड़े हैं
पर ज़िन्दगी की होड़ में
दोस्त कहीं खो गए शायद…
याद दिला गई कुछ लम्हे…
मिटटी की भीनी खुशबू
चाय और गरम पकोड़ै
कुछ पुराने गाने
ताश और नमकीन बातें
बिछड़े हुए कुछ दोस्त
Gossip वाली रातें …
टप टप करती बूंदे
बदल गई ओलों में …
जैसे बेपरवाह ज़िन्दगी
बदलती है लम्हों में…
अब मौसम है, बारिश है, चाय और गरम पकौड़े हैं
पर ज़िन्दगी की होड़ में
दोस्त कहीं खो गए शायद…
The Reader
Well, I seriously don’t know where or how to begin this from… when you watch a movie, it generally leaves you with an emotion… this one surprisingly leaved me baffled and stoic (precisely what the intention was perhaps!!) and it took me sometime to unwind the complexity and understand the intensity that was presented in 2 hours of unfolding intricacies…scene by scene…
The Reader was on my must watch list for long, because of Kate Winslet's Oscar win, and all I can say is she deserved it more than anyone else perhaps… just because of her 100% commitment to the role.. The character of Hanna Schmitz is by far the most complex and bold character I have ever seen on screen, beautifully portrayed by Winslet in entirety. When you begin to slightly understand the character, it suddenly unwraps a new emotion (or lack of it) making you wonder if you understood it right in the first place!
What undermines the movie to some extent is the mixture of illegitimate relationship with holocaust and illiteracy all at the same time making the emotional drama quite complex to withstand. The first part shows the physical relationship of a boy with a woman double his age. The character of Hanna is motherly at first, then of a woman exploiting a boy, violating and encouraging him for an illegal relationship, emotionally unattached, erotic, weird, frustrated, secretive and delusive. She is someone who finds solace in her physical moments with a young boy and likes to hear him read his school books to her before making love. While Michael begins to fall in love with her, she leaves him.
The second part shows Hanna as a war criminal who is under trial for killing 300 Jews in a holocaust. She is cold, with her laser stare, admitting the crimes, though not regretting them. She seems dumb, naive and blank, who did something so atrocious, because she was asked to do so… "what would you have done?" she asks the judge!!! Michael, now an adolescent law student, is in conflict with his emotions – love hate, enchantment, disgust – all at the same time. He also understands Hanna's secret…why she liked him to read to her… and why she liked other girls to read to her before sending them to gas chambers – she is illiterate!!! However, when the judge asks her if she wrote the fire report.. she admits! She is not ashamed to commit the crime, but is ashamed of her illiteracy!! Hanna gets imprisoned for life…
The third part shows a grown up Michael with a broken marriage, unable to sustain relationships due to his haunting past. He comes to terms with his emotions to Hanna and starts sending her tapes of books in the prison, becoming the reader. Hanna listens to the tapes and over years learns to read and write…after two decades when Michael meets Hanna – she is still the same… unattached, curt, unremorseful, but old, tired and battered now…! My favorite is the last dialogue between Michael and Hanna when in disgust he asks her – what did you learn from all these books, she says.. I have learnt to read and that’s all…!!
The movie completes a full circle with Hanna committing suicide, leaving her money to the only survivor of the holocaust – the girl who used to read to her…and asks Michael to deliver the money to her. The lady does not accept the money and Michael donates it to charity for illiterate people.
There are so many shades in Hanna's unattached character and the impression they leave on Michael's life… Kate gave her body and soul to the character (literally with so many nude scenes!!!) …the younger Michael (David Kross) has also acted beautifully in the first half matching Winslet's performance, or even better than her in some scenes.
But on the whole, the entire movie is gloomy, heavy, depressing, and leaves you with an awful feeling…! Definitely not recommended for young impressionable minds…
The Reader was on my must watch list for long, because of Kate Winslet's Oscar win, and all I can say is she deserved it more than anyone else perhaps… just because of her 100% commitment to the role.. The character of Hanna Schmitz is by far the most complex and bold character I have ever seen on screen, beautifully portrayed by Winslet in entirety. When you begin to slightly understand the character, it suddenly unwraps a new emotion (or lack of it) making you wonder if you understood it right in the first place!
What undermines the movie to some extent is the mixture of illegitimate relationship with holocaust and illiteracy all at the same time making the emotional drama quite complex to withstand. The first part shows the physical relationship of a boy with a woman double his age. The character of Hanna is motherly at first, then of a woman exploiting a boy, violating and encouraging him for an illegal relationship, emotionally unattached, erotic, weird, frustrated, secretive and delusive. She is someone who finds solace in her physical moments with a young boy and likes to hear him read his school books to her before making love. While Michael begins to fall in love with her, she leaves him.
The second part shows Hanna as a war criminal who is under trial for killing 300 Jews in a holocaust. She is cold, with her laser stare, admitting the crimes, though not regretting them. She seems dumb, naive and blank, who did something so atrocious, because she was asked to do so… "what would you have done?" she asks the judge!!! Michael, now an adolescent law student, is in conflict with his emotions – love hate, enchantment, disgust – all at the same time. He also understands Hanna's secret…why she liked him to read to her… and why she liked other girls to read to her before sending them to gas chambers – she is illiterate!!! However, when the judge asks her if she wrote the fire report.. she admits! She is not ashamed to commit the crime, but is ashamed of her illiteracy!! Hanna gets imprisoned for life…
The third part shows a grown up Michael with a broken marriage, unable to sustain relationships due to his haunting past. He comes to terms with his emotions to Hanna and starts sending her tapes of books in the prison, becoming the reader. Hanna listens to the tapes and over years learns to read and write…after two decades when Michael meets Hanna – she is still the same… unattached, curt, unremorseful, but old, tired and battered now…! My favorite is the last dialogue between Michael and Hanna when in disgust he asks her – what did you learn from all these books, she says.. I have learnt to read and that’s all…!!
The movie completes a full circle with Hanna committing suicide, leaving her money to the only survivor of the holocaust – the girl who used to read to her…and asks Michael to deliver the money to her. The lady does not accept the money and Michael donates it to charity for illiterate people.
There are so many shades in Hanna's unattached character and the impression they leave on Michael's life… Kate gave her body and soul to the character (literally with so many nude scenes!!!) …the younger Michael (David Kross) has also acted beautifully in the first half matching Winslet's performance, or even better than her in some scenes.
But on the whole, the entire movie is gloomy, heavy, depressing, and leaves you with an awful feeling…! Definitely not recommended for young impressionable minds…
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Message to the God of Death
I have often seen blogs written on life, but none of death… the only divine truth of life that we seldom accept!
Life is the beginning, death is the end… Life is celebrated, death is mourned… life is beautiful, death is ugly…I can control my life … I don’t know if I might die the very next moment…so unpredictable… so ghastly…how we hate something we do not know much about …!
So here’s a dedicated prayer to the God of Death (in case there is any!!) to hail him for our mysterious end… I guess only he knows what direction our life will take and when we will eventually meet him... (It's important to be in his good books, lest he might send me to hell ;) )
So dear God of death,
Be kind, merciful to the people I love,
Make the climax of their life as peaceful, loving, contented, as their lives have been…
Meet them at the end of the road and not where the journey begins…
If you see slightest remorse on their face… back off…
Let them complete the circle of life,
Make them smile in their last moments
Give them enough time to say goodbye to this world…
…to hug and kiss their family
…to share their wisdom
…and to thank life they have so fully lived
Let them be remembered ever after
Take them to their heavenly abode
Cherish their soul like a newborn
Nourish them with tenderness, love and care
Love them like they have loved us…
Be their family, till we meet them again
Be fair, kind and merciful…
…and probably we will never be scared of you ever!!
Amen.
Life is the beginning, death is the end… Life is celebrated, death is mourned… life is beautiful, death is ugly…I can control my life … I don’t know if I might die the very next moment…so unpredictable… so ghastly…how we hate something we do not know much about …!
So here’s a dedicated prayer to the God of Death (in case there is any!!) to hail him for our mysterious end… I guess only he knows what direction our life will take and when we will eventually meet him... (It's important to be in his good books, lest he might send me to hell ;) )
So dear God of death,
Be kind, merciful to the people I love,
Make the climax of their life as peaceful, loving, contented, as their lives have been…
Meet them at the end of the road and not where the journey begins…
If you see slightest remorse on their face… back off…
Let them complete the circle of life,
Make them smile in their last moments
Give them enough time to say goodbye to this world…
…to hug and kiss their family
…to share their wisdom
…and to thank life they have so fully lived
Let them be remembered ever after
Take them to their heavenly abode
Cherish their soul like a newborn
Nourish them with tenderness, love and care
Love them like they have loved us…
Be their family, till we meet them again
Be fair, kind and merciful…
…and probably we will never be scared of you ever!!
Amen.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Jolie Good!
Angelina Jolie has come a long way from her kick-ass Lara Croft days, and it surely reflects in her performances. Changeling is her second most commendable performance, based on a true story (after The Mighty Heart), where she carries her grief with a superb composure, making the audience feel the pain of her character for real!
The strength of the movie is definitely the storyline, but like all Clint Eastwood movies the most powerful aspect is the character portrayed by Jolie - a career oriented single mother fighting the Los Angles police department, to search her lost 9 year old child, constantly denying to accept that the child found by the LAPD is hers... from grief to anger to frustration, to hope that her son is alive till the end, Jolie pulls off each melodramatic scene effortlessly. She is exceptionally strong is one scene and exceptionally vulnerable in the next…
What is also commendable is the archetypical portrayal of grief in Eastwood movies (Million dollar baby is still my fav)… its beautifully subtle… no shrieks, no howls… a calm and strong woman who breaks into sobs at times, but maintains her composure…and …that unspoken grief hits you much harder…
I can't say if Jolie deserved an Oscar for this, till I see Kate Winslet in The Reading, but her nomination was definitely well deserved. All in all, watch it for a Jolie good performance!
The strength of the movie is definitely the storyline, but like all Clint Eastwood movies the most powerful aspect is the character portrayed by Jolie - a career oriented single mother fighting the Los Angles police department, to search her lost 9 year old child, constantly denying to accept that the child found by the LAPD is hers... from grief to anger to frustration, to hope that her son is alive till the end, Jolie pulls off each melodramatic scene effortlessly. She is exceptionally strong is one scene and exceptionally vulnerable in the next…
What is also commendable is the archetypical portrayal of grief in Eastwood movies (Million dollar baby is still my fav)… its beautifully subtle… no shrieks, no howls… a calm and strong woman who breaks into sobs at times, but maintains her composure…and …that unspoken grief hits you much harder…
I can't say if Jolie deserved an Oscar for this, till I see Kate Winslet in The Reading, but her nomination was definitely well deserved. All in all, watch it for a Jolie good performance!
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Just Do It ...
I have always loved Nike for these three words. Whenever I feel stuck, confused, brain dead and hung somewhere in the middle of the meaningless nothingness zone, these three words resurrect my mind – just do it!
So here I am, attempting yet again to write and hopefully sustain a blog… the lazy bug residing in me is on its way out and my mind is ready to sprint with the Nike and its just do it attitude…hopefully this will be a lot more different than my gym routine!!
But before I begin, like all great works of art, an acknowledgement is due … so I would definitely like to thank Larry Page and Sergey Brin for creating Google, without which the world would not have been what it is today; a heartfelt thanks to all the inspiring blogs that I have read and not commented on, thanks to the infectious lazy bug being alive then (right now its hibernating!), my dear friend Harnoor and her passion for writing, movies and food that makes me feel there is much more to life than being bound by the daily schedules (I have not commented on your blogs either, but I do read them sweety!!). And last but the most important one, my darling husband, Amol, my best friend and most inspiring critique, who supports me in everything I do! (I can visualize him reading this and doing the spelling grammar, vocabulary and all the possible checks in the world on this one!!)
So, now that I have formally begun… I hope that everyday I will try and observe some of those colorful nitty-gritty's of life, process them through my grey matter and present a fusion of the Colorful Grey!! Hmm...just wait and watch :)
So here I am, attempting yet again to write and hopefully sustain a blog… the lazy bug residing in me is on its way out and my mind is ready to sprint with the Nike and its just do it attitude…hopefully this will be a lot more different than my gym routine!!
But before I begin, like all great works of art, an acknowledgement is due … so I would definitely like to thank Larry Page and Sergey Brin for creating Google, without which the world would not have been what it is today; a heartfelt thanks to all the inspiring blogs that I have read and not commented on, thanks to the infectious lazy bug being alive then (right now its hibernating!), my dear friend Harnoor and her passion for writing, movies and food that makes me feel there is much more to life than being bound by the daily schedules (I have not commented on your blogs either, but I do read them sweety!!). And last but the most important one, my darling husband, Amol, my best friend and most inspiring critique, who supports me in everything I do! (I can visualize him reading this and doing the spelling grammar, vocabulary and all the possible checks in the world on this one!!)
So, now that I have formally begun… I hope that everyday I will try and observe some of those colorful nitty-gritty's of life, process them through my grey matter and present a fusion of the Colorful Grey!! Hmm...just wait and watch :)
Friday, May 9, 2008
The Oasis
The desert storm, the scorching sun
The scenic, tranquil water mirage…
Camels and the colorful caravans
The palms, sailboats, music and wine
Is this an oasis I ask….
Where cultures meet, people greet
Hallelujah!! Hookahs and belly dance
The Sheikhs, Indians, Philippines, Europeans,
A cultural cocktail, high on life …
Similar yet diverse, welcoming travellers
to rest, stay, move on with memories…
Everything’s different, but for one
All expatriates, searching for peace…
This is their haven, a place out of world
Uniquely theirs, though a bit shared
Collage of aspirations with colourful hues
Each one on his own… yet together they stand…
On this oasis of their dreams…
Ruffled wind, soothing smiles
Unspoken words, understood signs
Sky rise buildings, architectural delights
Man made islands, souks of spice…
Shopping malls, sparkling gold,
Materialistic, big, promising, charming…
Playful home to young and old…
Dictator, democrats, rulers and the ruled,
Mixed opinions, religions, beliefs
Warm outside, ventilated cold
Beach desert, Snow Island
A combination of contradictions
Land of possibilities…
This oasis means so much… to a desert that was… !
Work begins a day in advance
Week ends a day ahead.
Out of the race, yet competing somewhere…
Creating its footprint on the world map..
As the island of gold…as seen from space…
Vacation spot, a place to rest
Tax free life at its luxurious best!
Hungry for success, thirsty for pride…
This is Dubai my friend... the oasis of the world!!
Monday, April 21, 2008
ख्वाबों में चुपके से आता है कोई
सतरंगी सपने दिखता है कोई
हम पलकें मूंदते रह जाते हैं और
आंखों से नींद चुरा जाता है कोई
हर एक नई सुबह के साथ नया एहसास पलता है
इस एहसास की खुमारी तले दिल भी मचलता है
हम इस एहसास को समझने का जब प्रयास करते हैं
एक और एहसास यूँही जगा जाता है कोई
कभी कभी अचानक एक आहट सी होती है
निगाहें यूं ही उठती हैं सरसराहट सी होती है
उसे पहचानने की कोई कोशिश जब करते हैं
हमसे ही हमारी पहचान कर जाता है कोई
बागों में जब कभी पतझड़ सा आता है
जगह वीरान लगती है मन उचट सा जाता है
उदासी की उन परतों को बदलता है वो खुशियों मैं
मुस्कराहट का एक तोहफा हमें दे जाता है कोई
अब टू ख़ुद से यूं अक्सर पूछते हैं हम
कौन है जो मेरे साथ रहता है हर कदम
मेरा साया है या है मन जो मुझ पर राज करता है
जवाब में एक तनहा खामोशी छोड़ जाता है कोई
सतरंगी सपने दिखता है कोई
हम पलकें मूंदते रह जाते हैं और
आंखों से नींद चुरा जाता है कोई
हर एक नई सुबह के साथ नया एहसास पलता है
इस एहसास की खुमारी तले दिल भी मचलता है
हम इस एहसास को समझने का जब प्रयास करते हैं
एक और एहसास यूँही जगा जाता है कोई
कभी कभी अचानक एक आहट सी होती है
निगाहें यूं ही उठती हैं सरसराहट सी होती है
उसे पहचानने की कोई कोशिश जब करते हैं
हमसे ही हमारी पहचान कर जाता है कोई
बागों में जब कभी पतझड़ सा आता है
जगह वीरान लगती है मन उचट सा जाता है
उदासी की उन परतों को बदलता है वो खुशियों मैं
मुस्कराहट का एक तोहफा हमें दे जाता है कोई
अब टू ख़ुद से यूं अक्सर पूछते हैं हम
कौन है जो मेरे साथ रहता है हर कदम
मेरा साया है या है मन जो मुझ पर राज करता है
जवाब में एक तनहा खामोशी छोड़ जाता है कोई
Monday, March 3, 2008
दायरा
खेल की बिसातों पर
स्कूल की किताबों में
बचपन की हिदायत में
छूट में, किफायत में
सीखा है एक दायरा ...
स्कूल की किताबों में
बचपन की हिदायत में
छूट में, किफायत में
सीखा है एक दायरा ...
मिटटी के इन बंगलो में
शहर के इन जंगलों में
हर घंटे की आहट में
रसोई की खनखनाहट में
रोज़मर्रा की झनझनाहट में
देखा है एक दायरा ...
जिंदगी की होड़ में
ऊँचे नीचे मोर पर
इस चार दिवारी में
फूलों की इस क्यारी में
सींचा है एक दायरा ...
क्यों बुनते रहते हैं हम इस दायरे का जाल?
उम्मीद की उन किरणों में
प्रभु के पावन चरणों में
लहराती इन हवाओं में
मन की गहरी गुफाओं में
बच्चों की किलकारियों में
सुलगती चिनगारियों में
खुले आस्मान के चमकते सितारों में
गहरे समंदर के असीमित किनारों में
क्यों नहीं दिखता कोई दायरा ?
इस दायरे से बाहर क्यों नहीं निकलते हम?
क्यों नए आस्मान को चूमने से डगमगाते हैं ये कदम?
दाल पर बैठे पंछी को उड़ने से क्यों डर है?
६ इंच का घोंसला, क्या येही उसका घर है?
यह कसा हुआ दायरा सिर्फ़ उसका भ्रम है
तोड़ इस दायरे को उड़ जा, येही तेरा कर्म है ॥
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Indians – The Rising Waterfall?
Mumbai – the shining armor of India, the crown jewel, where thousands of migrants come everyday with dreams in their eyes to create a future… where India shining campaign runs in the veins of every proud Indian with pride on his face and a rush to accomplish everything that life has to offer…
As I walk on the streets of Mumbai, I wonder what do we Indians represent – the fury or fire, or the coldness of ice, the warmth of the earth or the disruption of a volcano? I guess all of it… we are a rising waterfall… with deafening uproars, screeches and screams, in a rush to accomplish our goal, strong, opinionated, ambitious, impatient, moving with a thunderous flow that will sway the world with it, warm with passion but increasingly becoming cold with emotions, unstoppable frightening disruption… beautiful when you look from afar, life threatening when you are a part of it…the waterfall is on the rise…
Blame it on our history, probably years of imprisonment and reproach has made us what we are today… impatient like a herd of horses, the stable doors open for a millisecond everyday and we have to rush our way out of it…race past every other being with impudence to grab every opportunity, demonstrate our speed, make the world respect our intelligence, show the fierceness of our force, the youth, the enthusiasm, the million ideas that are generated every microsecond… now is our time to rule the world and unleash ourselves…what was till yesterday rebuked and admonished will be respected and honored..
But somewhere in this harsh flow of subconscious emotions… we have become cold like a waterfall.. the impatience on the streets, the shouts and abuses… there is no time to stop, no time to smile, no one to pick the other on the street.… we are increasingly running alone even while we are together…it’s a race against time… with contentment, peace and happiness increasingly moving far form our reach…
The opinions run strong, and so do the contradictions. The argumentative Indian will fight it all and the one that wins would shape up the future of this country (I do hope that insanity gives way to a mature outlook) So what if the topic is as irrelevant as the screening of a historical movie (most are either unaware or disinterested in Rajput history). So what if in the so-called democratic country our right to choose where we stay is impeached…somewhere it boils down to the mini-countries of Gujarat and Maharashtra and not the India that they all are a part of…
And emotions? They run far and wide… but not warm anymore… the speed takes a toll on our living …life keeps us busy, there is a rush to count more notes than give more smiles… the family dinner discussions are reduced to hmmm.. hmmmm…. we frequent fast food restaurants for the want of time… forgetting that food has nothing to do with time but taste.. we prefer 1 hr foreign flicks to 3 hours home grown movies.. forgetting its not the time but the content that is to be enjoyed.. our circle of friends becomes thinner with age and our rage becomes stronger… we lose our present thinking about the future… the clock keeps ticking… and life passes by without being enjoyed.. and we are still a part of waterfall unaware of the direction but running faster with the flow..
But indeed the day will come when this waterfall will realize that rising and falling is a part of growing… that the ultimate aim is to reach the river… the rush is for slowing down. The real beauty is not to be seen from afar, but it is in the calm. When coldness is used to freshen up the minds and wash away sweat, when the flow is not frightening but enticing and inviting…when people want to immerse in you…enjoy you… and enjoy themselves by becoming a part of you…that is when life will become a picnic and you will become inclusive, contented, calm and happy. Amen.
As I walk on the streets of Mumbai, I wonder what do we Indians represent – the fury or fire, or the coldness of ice, the warmth of the earth or the disruption of a volcano? I guess all of it… we are a rising waterfall… with deafening uproars, screeches and screams, in a rush to accomplish our goal, strong, opinionated, ambitious, impatient, moving with a thunderous flow that will sway the world with it, warm with passion but increasingly becoming cold with emotions, unstoppable frightening disruption… beautiful when you look from afar, life threatening when you are a part of it…the waterfall is on the rise…
Blame it on our history, probably years of imprisonment and reproach has made us what we are today… impatient like a herd of horses, the stable doors open for a millisecond everyday and we have to rush our way out of it…race past every other being with impudence to grab every opportunity, demonstrate our speed, make the world respect our intelligence, show the fierceness of our force, the youth, the enthusiasm, the million ideas that are generated every microsecond… now is our time to rule the world and unleash ourselves…what was till yesterday rebuked and admonished will be respected and honored..
But somewhere in this harsh flow of subconscious emotions… we have become cold like a waterfall.. the impatience on the streets, the shouts and abuses… there is no time to stop, no time to smile, no one to pick the other on the street.… we are increasingly running alone even while we are together…it’s a race against time… with contentment, peace and happiness increasingly moving far form our reach…
The opinions run strong, and so do the contradictions. The argumentative Indian will fight it all and the one that wins would shape up the future of this country (I do hope that insanity gives way to a mature outlook) So what if the topic is as irrelevant as the screening of a historical movie (most are either unaware or disinterested in Rajput history). So what if in the so-called democratic country our right to choose where we stay is impeached…somewhere it boils down to the mini-countries of Gujarat and Maharashtra and not the India that they all are a part of…
And emotions? They run far and wide… but not warm anymore… the speed takes a toll on our living …life keeps us busy, there is a rush to count more notes than give more smiles… the family dinner discussions are reduced to hmmm.. hmmmm…. we frequent fast food restaurants for the want of time… forgetting that food has nothing to do with time but taste.. we prefer 1 hr foreign flicks to 3 hours home grown movies.. forgetting its not the time but the content that is to be enjoyed.. our circle of friends becomes thinner with age and our rage becomes stronger… we lose our present thinking about the future… the clock keeps ticking… and life passes by without being enjoyed.. and we are still a part of waterfall unaware of the direction but running faster with the flow..
But indeed the day will come when this waterfall will realize that rising and falling is a part of growing… that the ultimate aim is to reach the river… the rush is for slowing down. The real beauty is not to be seen from afar, but it is in the calm. When coldness is used to freshen up the minds and wash away sweat, when the flow is not frightening but enticing and inviting…when people want to immerse in you…enjoy you… and enjoy themselves by becoming a part of you…that is when life will become a picnic and you will become inclusive, contented, calm and happy. Amen.
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