Lazy random thoughts...

With my growing belly and shrinking brain, I am attempting yet again to pen down what my restless mind is going through…

Honestly, it is nothing!! I feel that like my baby I am just floating around uselessly in a stream of unrelated thoughts and enjoying the emptiness that comes with it.

Have you ever wondered how beautiful emptiness can be? It’s like just being there…. Just doing what is natural, without questioning, without thinking, without analyzing… just a plain surrender to everything… leaving yourself to someone who you know will work it out for you… no tensions, no calculations, no botherations… just be like a baby and focus on eating, sleeping and pooping…. !! Nature has a beautiful way of simplifying things until we humans use our programmed knowledge to mess it all up!!

As I am writing this, my trained judgmental mind hates the thought… how can you not question? Not analyze? Not have an objective in life? Just be there like a tree? We are the most intelligent species in this universe!! How can we simply float... be empty, depend on others when we can be self sustained?

Hmm… so that’s the useless battle I fight every day! I feel like sleeping… but have to go to work… I feel like killing time…but have to run against it to complete a list of useless, but so called must do things that creep in from nowhere … I try to let chaos prevail… till my trained organized mind tells me to clear all the mess up, lest anyone might start making judgments about me...including myself!! I try to float … be dreamy … lie like an aimless wooden log in a stream of water… lazy, peaceful, being driven by something more powerful… and then I realize I have an unaccomplished task list … small and big targets I haven’t yet achieved….and there I am on the run again.. !

I wish sometimes life was not a race against time! I wish there was a capability in the human mind to simply switch off… not think so much… not be so judgmental… not be so mission oriented...programmed…and yes I so wish that guilt focused corner in brain could be non existent… that is the part I hate most… the self-conscious part that ranks you everyday…ensures that you listen to your conscious mind… and incase you dared to indulge... it makes you feel so miserable that you feel guilty of listening to your heart…

Sometimes I envy my baby for living in such an uncomplicated warm world… being cherished by everyone without being known, without having met… unconditional non judgmental love… doing what nature wants him to do.. Without analyzing, without questioning, without demanding…. simply enjoying every moment... oblivious of what’s happening around… hearing sounds of mom’s heartbeat… daddy’s whispers… and of the outside maddening world… wondering what the fuss is all about!!

I wish I could also be in that warm world again.... where there are no rules… no parameters, no one to tell you what you should be doing... no guilt… no pressures to achieve… no financial targets... no benchmarks…. Simply unconditional love… where people fall in love with you without seeing you… without knowing you…. without judging you…they simply await to welcome you with open arms and shower you with lots of love… I wish to be like my baby again…